I Found My Worth in a Box of Froot Loops

Sometimes the thing someone intends as an insult becomes exactly the reminder you need.

☕ Coffee Conversation

I’ve always thought of myself as a pretty confident person.

By this point in my career, I had years of experience behind me. I had a bookcase full of awards that suggested I knew what I was doing. I had built a career doing work I genuinely loved.

And yet, in about six months, one boss had me questioning all of it. My skills. My judgment. My abilities. Even whether I belonged in a career I’d loved for nearly 20 years.

It didn’t happen all at once. That’s the thing about confidence. It’s rarely destroyed in one dramatic moment. Sometimes it gets chipped away. A comment here. A dismissal there. A decision constantly second-guessed. An idea immediately discounted.

Until one day, you realize you’ve started questioning things about yourself you used to know were true.

Then one evening, my boss sent an email. It questioned my work ethic. My technical competence. And finally, he asked whether my degree and skills had come from a box of cereal.

I was furious.

There may have been a few words uttered that my mother would not have approved of.

But then my mind went somewhere completely different.

I thought about those cereal boxes we had as kids.

Remember?

The ones with the prize inside.

And something shifted.

Because instead of that email being the final blow to my confidence, it became the moment I stopped giving him the power to define it.

Turns out, I was the prize inside the box.

That night, I made a decision. There had to be something better than allowing someone else’s opinion of me to become my opinion of myself.

And there was.

What Leaders Say Stays With People

I can look back now with more perspective. Maybe that boss had never really learned how to lead people.

A title doesn’t automatically teach you how to coach, communicate, develop talent or understand the weight your words can carry. But lack of intent doesn’t erase impact.

And that’s where this story has become about much more than one bad boss.

Because leaders have tremendous influence over how people experience themselves at work.

Think about that for a minute. Someone can walk into your organization believing:

I’m good at what I do.

I have something to contribute.

My ideas matter.

I can grow here.

And after enough interactions with the wrong leader, those statements can slowly become questions.

Am I actually good at this?

Maybe I don’t have as much to contribute as I thought.

Why bother sharing the idea?

Maybe I’m the problem.

You don’t have to yell at someone to make them feel small. You don’t have to insult them in an email. Sometimes it happens through what you repeatedly dismiss, ignore, criticize or fail to acknowledge.

A leader’s words can eventually become background noise in someone else’s head. Which means we ought to be pretty careful about what we put there.

Leaders Don’t Assign Worth

There’s another side to this story, too. Your leader can influence how you feel about yourself. But they don’t get to assign your worth.

Neither does a title.

A paycheck.

A performance review.

A promotion you didn’t get.

A client who chose someone else.

An invitation that never came.

Or one person who simply failed to recognize what you bring to the table.

That was the lesson I had to learn.

Until that experience, I hadn’t realized how much of my identity had become intertwined with what I did for a living. I knew who I was professionally. But when someone started attacking that version of me, I discovered I needed to be much clearer about who I was beyond the job.

I had skills before that boss arrived. I had accomplishments before he had an opinion about them. I had values, experiences, relationships, talents and strengths that existed completely independently of what he thought.

So do you.

We should keep learning. We should listen to feedback. We should be willing to admit when we need to improve.

Self-worth isn’t an excuse to avoid accountability. But there’s an enormous difference between saying:

“There’s something I need to get better at.”

and

“I’m not good enough.”

Good leadership helps people understand that difference.

📊 Research Worth Reading

The Manager’s Impact Is Bigger Than We Sometimes Realize

Gallup has consistently found that managers account for the majority of the variance in team-level employee engagement.

That influence reaches beyond whether someone enjoys their work. The factors managers directly affect—including feedback, recognition, role clarity and workload—also influence employee well-being and burnout risk.

In other Gallup research, one in two employees reported leaving a job at some point in their career specifically to get away from a manager.

People may join organizations.

But their everyday experience is often shaped by the person they report to.

​Read Gallup’s research on managers, engagement and employee well-being.​

Coffee & Common Sense Takeaway

Leaders don’t get to determine another person’s worth.

But they can have enormous influence over whether that person remembers it.

Your words matter.

Your reactions matter.

What you notice matters.

And so does what you repeatedly cause someone to question about themselves.

📓 From My Notebook

One of the strangest things about that experience is that the email meant to make me feel smaller ultimately did the opposite.

It reminded me that I had handed someone else far too much authority over how I saw myself.

Sometimes reclaiming your confidence begins by deciding who no longer gets a vote.

✏️ One Small Edit

Think about one person on your team who has struggled recently.

Now mentally replay your conversations with them over the last 30 days.

If they heard only your words and saw only your reactions, would they walk away believing:

“My leader sees potential in me and expects me to grow.”

Or:

“My leader mostly sees what’s wrong with me.”

Accountability matters.

Performance matters.

Honest feedback matters.

But none of those require making someone question their value as a human being.

The next time you have to correct someone, try adding one sentence:

“I know you’re capable of getting this right, and that’s why I’m having this conversation with you.”

Correction can address the behavior without diminishing the person.

🎙 Culture Secrets Spotlight

Want to Hear the Full Froot Loops Story?

This story has followed me onto stages, into workshops and through several chapters of my career.

And I’m grateful it has.

Because what once felt like one of the lowest moments of my professional life became a turning point in understanding worth, personal brand and the kind of leader I never wanted to become.

​

💬 Quote to Carry With You

☕ One Last Sip

My boss meant the cereal-box comment as an insult. Turns out, he gave me a gift.

He reminded me that my worth wasn’t his to assign.

That doesn’t mean his words didn’t hurt. They did.

It doesn’t mean rebuilding confidence happened instantly. It didn’t.

But that email became the moment I decided his voice would no longer be louder than my own.

Maybe someone needs that reminder today. Your boss doesn’t assign your worth. Your job title doesn’t assign your worth. Your latest success—or failure—doesn’t assign your worth.

Keep learning.

Keep growing.

Own the things you need to improve.

But don’t hand someone else the authority to convince you that you have nothing worthwhile to offer.

Because somewhere along the way, I finally figured out what was inside that cereal box.

I was the prize.

And so are you.

☕ Coming Up Around the Coffee Pot

Reba McEntire once said that to succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone and a funny bone.

I happen to think she left out one important ingredient.

Coffee.

Next time, we’ll talk about what Reba’s three “bones”—plus one cup of common sense—can teach us about leadership, courage and keeping your sense of humor along the way.

Until next time, keep leading with culture, coffee and a healthy dose of common sense.