Wishbone. Backbone. Funny Bone. And Coffee.

Reba McEntire gave us a pretty good formula for success. I just think she left out one important ingredient.

☕ Coffee Conversation

Leave it to Reba McEntire to turn a leadership lesson into something you can remember without a PowerPoint deck.

She once said:

“To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone and a funny bone.”

That’s pretty hard to argue with.

A wishbone because you have to believe something better is possible.

A backbone because eventually believing isn’t enough. You have to act on what you say matters.

And a funny bone because life—and leadership—gets awfully heavy if you can’t occasionally laugh at yourself.

The more I thought about it, the more Reba’s three bones sounded like a pretty solid leadership model.

I’d only add one.

A coffee bone.

No, it’s not anatomically correct. But neither is thinking a three-hour meeting without caffeine is a good idea, so stay with me.

Because sometimes leadership requires us to quit moving long enough to sit down, listen, think, connect and gain a little perspective before deciding what happens next.

So, with apologies to Reba, here is my slightly caffeinated leadership model.

🦴 THE WISHBONE

Give people something to believe in.

Every meaningful change starts with someone willing to believe things can be different. A struggling team can improve. An employee can grow. A broken process can be fixed. A new idea might work. An organization doesn’t have to keep doing something simply because “that’s the way we’ve always done it.”

Leaders spend a tremendous amount of time managing what is. Budgets. Schedules. Deadlines. Performance. Problems.

But leadership also requires us to imagine what could be. And then help other people see it.

That part matters.

A vision that lives only in the leader’s head isn’t much of a vision.

People need to understand: Where are we going? Why does it matter? What could be different if we get there?

And perhaps most importantly:

Where do I fit in?

Your wishbone gives people something worth moving toward. But eventually, wishing has to turn into doing.

That’s where Reba’s next bone comes in.

🦴 THE BACKBONE

Know what you stand for when standing for it costs something.

It’s easy to talk about values when nothing is testing them. People matter. Communication matters. Trust matters. Accountability matters.

Those statements sound great on the wall. Backbone shows up when living them becomes inconvenient. When someone you like needs honest feedback. When the easier decision conflicts with the right one. When you need to defend your team. When you have to tell someone no. When everyone else wants to avoid the uncomfortable conversation. When you made the mistake and your name belongs at the top of the accountability list.

That’s when your values stop being words.

Backbone isn’t stubbornness. It isn’t refusing to reconsider. And it certainly isn’t being the loudest voice in the room.

Sometimes backbone sounds like: “I was wrong.”

Sometimes: “We’re not going to treat people that way.”

Sometimes: “I know this is difficult, but it still matters.”

And sometimes the bravest sentence in the room may be: “Tell me what I’m missing.”

Courage and humility aren’t opposites.

Good leaders need both.

🦴 THE FUNNY BONE

Take the work seriously. Yourself? Maybe a little less so.

Leadership is serious work. People are affected by our decisions. There are customers, employees, budgets, deadlines, boards and expectations. Sometimes the problems sitting on a leader’s desk are genuinely hard.

But there is a difference between taking the work seriously and taking yourself so seriously that everyone around you becomes afraid to breathe.

The ability to laugh at yourself can make a leader more approachable. It can release tension. It can remind a room full of job titles that we’re all still human. It also communicates something more important than we sometimes realize: You don’t have to perform perfection around me.

I’m not talking about sarcasm disguised as humor. Not jokes at another person’s expense. And not using humor to escape a conversation that actually needs to happen.

I mean humor that connects rather than diminishes. Being able to admit you walked into the wrong meeting. Forgot the name you absolutely should have remembered. Sent the typo everyone noticed. Or discovered—again—that technology could not care less what your title is.

Sometimes a leader saying:

“Well, that certainly didn’t go according to plan.”

…and laughing before figuring out Plan B gives everyone else permission to unclench a little.

Turns out, there’s some research behind that.

📊 Research Worth Reading

A 2026 study in the Review of Managerial Science examined leader self-deprecating humor, employee well-being and psychological safety.

The researchers found that self-deprecating humor from leaders was positively associated with psychological safety and with stronger leader-employee relationships. Those stronger relationships, in turn, helped explain positive effects on both psychological safety and employee well-being.

There’s an important distinction here. This is not humor that tears yourself down. And it certainly isn’t humor that tears someone else down.

It’s the willingness to be human about your own mistakes and imperfections without losing confidence in yourself.

​Read the 2026 leader-humor study​

Coffee & Common Sense Takeaway

Your funny bone isn’t about becoming the office comedian.

It’s about creating enough humanity in the room that people don’t believe they must be perfect before they can participate.

Sometimes laughter communicates:

We can handle this.

We can recover from this.

A mistake isn’t the end of the world.

We’re still people, even when the work gets hard.

Which brings me to the bone Reba forgot.

☕ THE COFFEE BONE

Slow down long enough to notice people.

Okay. I made this one up. But I think we need it. Because not every leadership problem needs another initiative. Not every issue needs an immediate answer. Not every silence needs to be filled by the leader.

Some things need a conversation. A pause. A cup of coffee. A leader willing to stop talking long enough to ask:

“How are you really doing?”

“What do you think?”

“What am I missing?”

“What would make this better?”

And then actually listen to the answer.

There’s research behind this one, too.

A 2025 Harvard Business Review article drawing on a review of 117 workplace-listening studies noted that employees who believe leaders genuinely listen report stronger relationships, higher engagement and better performance.

Gallup has found something even more striking: employees whose managers are always willing to listen to work-related problems are 62% less likely to experience burnout.

That’s why I think we need the coffee bone.

It represents perspective. Curiosity. Connection.

It’s the reminder that leadership isn’t only about getting people somewhere.

It’s also paying attention to what is happening to them along the way.

📚 A Couple Things Worth Your Click

Are You Really a Good Listener? — Harvard Business Review

If you’re convinced you’re already a good listener, this may be exactly why you should read it. The authors look at research across 117 studies and challenge some of our assumptions about what listening actually requires.

​Read “Are You Really a Good Listener?”​

Why Your Team Won’t Speak Up (And How to Fix It) — HBR IdeaCast

Charles Duhigg shares practical ways leaders can create the conditions for candor, including something he calls “ostentatious listening”—making it unmistakably clear to another person that you heard and understood what they said.

​Listen to the HBR IdeaCast episode​

📓 From My Notebook

The more leadership models I come across, the more I appreciate the ones I can actually remember when I need them.

Wishbone.

Backbone.

Funny bone.

Coffee bone.

Maybe that’s my new common-sense test for leadership advice:

Can you still use it when you’re tired, the meeting has gone sideways and somebody just told you something you really didn’t want to hear?

Because that’s usually when leadership matters most.

✏️ One Small Edit

Before this week is over, ask yourself one question:

Which bone does my leadership need more of right now?

Wishbone: Have I gotten so consumed with today’s problems that I’ve stopped helping people see what’s possible?

Backbone: Is there a conversation, decision or principle I know I need to stand behind?

Funny bone: Have I made everything feel heavier—or myself more important—than it needs to be?

Coffee bone: Have I been moving so quickly that I haven’t stopped long enough to really listen?

Don’t try to tackle all four. Pick one. Then make one small move.

💬 Quote to Carry With You

☕ One Last Sip

Reba was right.

We need a wishbone. Because leaders should believe something better is possible.

We need a backbone. Because eventually our values have to become actions.

And we absolutely need a funny bone. Because the work may be serious, but none of us benefits when leaders become so serious that everyone around them is afraid to make a mistake.

I’m still keeping my coffee bone, though. Because vision without connection can become a speech. Courage without listening can become stubbornness. And humor without awareness can land completely wrong.

Sometimes the cup of coffee represents exactly what leadership needs most: A pause. A conversation. A little perspective. And another human being sitting across the table.

So dream big.

Stand for something.

Laugh when you can.

And every now and then… pour the coffee and listen.

☕ Coming Up Around the Coffee Pot

I wasn’t expecting a leadership lesson between flights.

But walking through the Minneapolis airport recently, I came across a display of Prince memorabilia—including one of his guitars and pages of handwritten lyrics.

As a Gen Xer, of course I stopped.

But looking at those crossed-out words and that guitar got me thinking about something beyond the music:

What can the creative process teach us about leadership?

Next time, we’re talking Prince, collaboration and why being extraordinarily talented doesn’t mean you have to be the only talented person in the room.

And after that?

We’re going to take the conversation one step further.

What happens when AI joins the room, too?

Until next time, keep leading with culture, coffee and a healthy dose of common sense.